Beautiful Idiots
by Feagalad
Summary: "Two girls sat side-by-side that day - one dressed in blue and the other in black. One stood tall and proud while the other was sleek and lithe. Both were waiting anxiously for their partners to finish up business and come back to sweep them away..." Baby and Sexy get together and have a little chat about their beautiful idiots, Dean Winchester and The Doctor.


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**Disclaimer: **Don't own it, never have, and never will.

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Two girls sat side-by-side that day - one dressed in blue and the other in black. One stood tall and proud while the other was sleek and lithe. Both were waiting anxiously for their partners to finish up business and come back to sweep them away.

"Damn those idgits!" The second girl muttered, straining and fretting for a glimpse inside the hotel. "If they come back leakin' blood all over my upholstery one more time...!" Her rough voice trailed off - leaving the threat ominous and unfinished.

"Oh is _yours _one too?" The first (and elder) girl piped up excitedly. "My goodness, you don't know how exciting it is to meet a kindred spirit in this business! It seems that a day doesn't go past (or would that be hasn't...I _do _get the tenses mixed up sometimes) whenever my idiot isn't stumbling back in my doors with some sort of injury."_  
_

"_Not _helping."

"Sorry, dear. Sometimes it seems like I just jabber on and speak without thinking. I blame my thief for that...he's always babbling on and on about this and that to those strays he brings home and never talking about the stuff that really matters." She sighed. "Men _are _such idiots sometimes, aren't they?"

"Completely and totally. And you can quote me on that!"

They sighed - sharing a moment of mutual commiseration before the younger girl spoke up again.

"Where are you from, honey? If I didn't know better I'd say Britain (just like that snake my boy chained up in my trunk) but there's something about you that doesn't make sense..."

"That'll be the timey-wimey, dear."

"What the _hell_?"

"Up and downy stuff in a big blue box? That's what my idiot always says and he's rarely wrong...except whenever he's arguing with me. Oh the adventures we've had (Has? Will have?)! Creation to Armageddon and back again, with lots of Venetian Carnivals in-between!"

Her companion snorted. "Creation? Seriously?" There was more than a note of scepticism in her voice. "You're older than me, sweetheart, but you're certainly NOT that ancient! Believe me, I've had things in my backseat that were (I _really _wish I could speak with my boy about where he takes his girls) and you don't feel like they did."

"You flatter me. I am old...much older than you are, and I've seen the end of this universe (Or I will...one way or the other, I'm not sure which I've done yet) as well as the beginning. I travel through time. It is a speciality of mine."

"Get out!"

"I would if I could. But I can't leave without my idiot."

The younger girl heaved a sigh. "No, that's not what I meant. You wouldn't happen to be related to an angel, would you?"

"Not at all, though that lovely girl from Versailles did have a liking to call my idiot that. He kept her letter for years and always carried it over his heart. Pink and Yellow never knew about it, thank Janus, or else she might have thrown a fit again. I still haven't forgiven her for the time she ripped me open and nearly killed my thief. Oh so much wasted youth there! I _told _that beautiful idiot of mine that he should help her learn a bit more, but by the time he admitted I was right it was too late."

"What happened?"

"She ripped apart time itself because she was misguided and thought that she (SHE!) could be my thief's 'soulmate'...or however they say it nowadays."

"Ripped time apart? Damn! How would that even work?"

"So now you believe my story of time travel? That's good, I didn't think you would. No one I ever try to talk to does and I think it's because all of those paradoxes have been slowly erasing their - "

"Look, honey. I've had an angel, a demon, and a Prophet of the Lord sandwiched into my backseat...as well as the King of Hell in my trunk...and I've survived a hit by a semi. I think I'm a bit more open minded than most you could meet...even those stuck-up Ford Tractors from your side of the pond."

"Fair point." She smiled to herself (she was getting better with tenses and coherency...but it was still encouraging to know that she had managed to express herself well enough to gain trust). "Well I don't know quite how to explain how this all works. There aren't words in our language to explain just how I was built and designed...but what I do know is that I travel through time and space with a beautiful idiot who stole me and we work to protect the universe from fools who want to upset the balance for their own personal gain. Pink and Yellow fancied herself in love with my idiot and when she was taken away from him, she decided that it didn't matter that she was sealed off in a parallel universe and started fighting tooth and nail to get back to him. I almost admire her spirit...but she was young and had a lot to learn."

"What the hell did she do?"

"She tore the universe apart by ripping holes into the fabric of time and space itself. Basically - and I'll try to explain this the best I can - she was jumping between dimensions with no respect for their individual worlds."

"Damn."

"Quite. It was damnation. She even caused my thief to have to destroy his sister's life."

The younger girl growled. "No one should do that...ever. What a bitch!"

"Well I don't know if I would say that, dear. Pink and Yellow was more of a bratty child who needed to be taught than that. Besides, it's no matter. She's gone now. Why don't you tell me about your boy? Is he a nice one? Keeps your engine tuned and everything?"

"Oh he is just wonderful (whenever he isn't entertaining young women in my back) - he calls me all manner of sweet names and keep me running smooth and easy and is always poking his head under my hood for a quick check-up. I love him dearly and I try to pay him back by looking after him as best as I can."

"Well of _course _you do! Whenever you get a beautiful idiot like that you have to keep hold of them. He isn't in the habit of bringing home strays, is he?"

There was a snort of laughter. "Aside from the occasional mating partner? No. It's just him and his brother. We've been through hell and back together and I love them dearly."

"I'm sure you do, and will, and have."

"Oi! Amy! OW!"

There was a yowl from the trees behind the rickety hotel and the girls stopped to listen as four arguing voices and four sets of footsteps drew near.

"I _swear, _Sammy...if you decide to go all emo and hug a Wendigo ever again, I'll make Cas bring you back to life so I can kill you myself. _Slowly_!"

"You dropped your flare gun!"

"And? I had it covered...you didn't have to be such a girl about it and get yourself clawed up."

That was the boys. Then there was the angry Scottish redhead...

"I thought you said we were going to have a nice, quiet holiday in the hills, _Doctor__. _Why am I not surprised that we managed to run into some sort of monster?"

"Amy, I - "

"You PROMISED me a quiet holiday! If I had known I was going to have to be running for my life through some Godforsaken Wisconsin forest I would have worn something more appropriate."

"You look fine to me."

"Have _you _ever tried running in flip-flops?"

"Well no, but - "

"Then just shut up. You're in enough trouble already..."

Impala and TARDIS exchanged a weary, long-suffering sigh. The rest was over, the idiots were home safe, and it was time to get back on the road.

"Let's go, Baby." Dean Winchester ran a loving hand over his faithful car's hood. "Gotta get this little bitch somewhere clean so I can stitch him up. So you be careful with him, you hear me?"

"Jerk." Sammy said faintly, head lolling tiredly against Baby's newly-washed window.

Inside the TARDIS, Amy vanished into the depths of the ancient machine after shooting The Doctor a frosty glare over her shredded bejewelled flip-flops. The Time Lord sighed and patted the console. "Guess it's just you and me for a while, eh, Old Girl?" He murmured tenderly. "Where to next? How about you pick - you sexy thing."

Sexy smiled to herself and sent a hum of comforting sentience to her beloved thief...her beautiful idiot. Maybe a bit of time on the Black Diamond Beaches of Chorpachera would be good for him.

Beside her Baby revved her motor and started to back out of the parking space as gently and smoothly as she was able.

"Goodbye." The faithful car said as she drove off. "You take care of your idiots and I'll take care of mine."

'Until we meet again."


End file.
